Remember playing hide and seek? One person stands in the corner with their eyes closed and counts to ten or twenty while the rest run and scramble to find a good hiding spot. The whole object of the game is to NOT get found. To be the last one standing…or…in this case…hiding. Remember trying really hard not to laugh or make any noise when you hear the person trying to find you getting super close to your hiding spot? Hoping they don’t hear you and discover where you are! I loved that game. I wasn’t so much a fan of being the one trying to find everyone. I always remember loving the feeling of having to run and find a good hiding spot. I loved the idea of being hidden away, hoping they don’t hear me or see me. There was something about being hidden and feeling invisible that I really liked.
Fast forward to today and sometimes I still feel like not much has changed. At least when it comes to hiding. Except as an adult it’s not based on how much fun this is. It’s based in fear. (It’s all fun and games until you have to grow up and start adulting!)
I’ve always liked the idea of working on things and not letting people know until I feel like it’s ready, rather than sharing the journey along the way. It’s been something that stops me from even trying at times if I think it has to be a certain way before I even get started. Why? Because the journey towards anything possibly great is really hard! It’s filled with anxiety, cuss words, doubt, waiting (impatiently for the most part), and wondering if anyone will actually ever care whether I even do it or not.
So, over the last while, I’ve worked on this new website that you are now reading from, I’ve been in the studio recording some of my music and I started writing a book. And do I know how any of it will turn out? Nope! Absolutely no clue!
Phew! There! I said it! It’s out there! Fear has played a big part in me keeping myself and all of these goals I’m working on hidden.
Fear of what exactly, you may ask?
Fear of failure (What if I try and it just doesn’t work?)
Fear of it being too hard (What if I start and I realize I don’t know how to do certain tasks along the way?)
Fear of success (What if it DOES work and now everyone is watching me? Can I handle the pressure that goes with that? Do I even want it?)
Fear of making decisions (Feeling overwhelmed with the little things.)
Fear of falling flat on my face in front of the world (What if it does work, for a little while, and then fizzles out?)
Fear of no one caring about it like I do. (Working so hard on something and no one caring about the final product once I’m finally able to share it. )
Fear of the journey being messy. (What if my process doesn’t look like others’?)
To sum it all up in a way that someone very close to me has said over and over again during this whole process, “Don’t be a chicken sh*t.” And, in their own caring, loving way, they’re right! I haven’t been sharing the journey because the journey is messy and uncertain. Two things that are scary to open up about. Especially when you’re in the process of pursuing your dreams and goals.
Nobody wants to try and fail. Nobody wants to feel like a “loser.” But I read a quote recently that said, “A real loser is somebody who’s so afraid of not winning, they don’t even try. If you’re trying, you’re not a loser.”
I’m still finding my voice and the courage to live to my full God given potential. To not remain hidden because of fear. That it’s ok to try, as many times as it takes. To let the journey be the story, rather than simply the destination. I hope to share this journey more and more and see what happens. I encourage you all to do this same. To live out loud instead of hiding.
“ALL COURAGE IS, IS FEAR SAID WITH PRAYERS.” ~ Dorothy Bernard